


Hurt People Hurt People

by HurtComfortHuman



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Human Experimentation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Nightmares, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 20:07:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19180486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurtComfortHuman/pseuds/HurtComfortHuman
Summary: When Eren left with Captain Levi, they set their course for a deserted place to experiment with his new-found ability. He never thought to tell him about the nightmares. He never told anyone about the strange pains, the paralysis, the eerie feeling of familiarity. Soldiers saw terrible creatures, soldiers dreamt of violent monsters, and good soldiers dealt with their demons alone. But what if Eren’s demons weren’t only titans? Maybe the creation of the titans was more human that anyone ever imagined.





	Hurt People Hurt People

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place beginning in the Eve of the Counterattack arc. Eren has just been released into the custody of Captain Levi and his Special Operations Squad for one month of training and experimentation. I am changing a lot from that point on, and there will be manga spoilers up to chapter 118, so be warned!

        Eren scrubbed at the dark spot on the underside of yet another thick wooden table, still trying to decide if it was dirt or a stain. It was hard to tell with so little light, the sun already dipping down towards the horizon. His arms ached and trembled slightly and his shoulder blades dug into the stone floor. Lying down underneath the table had certainly seemed like a good idea at the time. In fact, it sounded nice after spending all afternoon dusting empty rooms that he was sure they weren’t even going to use. And before that, the morning had been filled with training and conditioning exercises.

        “ _ Captain Levi makes a surprisingly good drill sergeant for someone so small and quiet _ ,” he thought, absentmindedly dropping a hand down to rub the side of his ribs that still stung from a swift motivational kick. He sighed and pulled his bandana down to wipe the sweat off his forehead. It wasn’t that he minded cleaning, in fact it was almost relaxing compared to training or fighting Titans, but he was bored, and that meant his mind wandered to dark places.

        He missed having Mikasa at his side. She was always the calm to his storm, as compassionate as she was cynical. He missed Armin’s input. His friend was somehow wise beyond his years and yet so innocent that it stirred something protective inside him. The last time he saw them had been in court a week ago, but already he saw the fringe of a dark scarf disappearing around corners and blonde hair in the bed across the room in those bleary morning moments before he fully woke up and realized where he was.

        Somewhere within Wall Rose, in the basement of a run-down castle turned Scout headquarters, he kept waking up in a cold sweat without his friends. It was all for the greater good, he knew and believed that, but knowledge alone didn’t help slow his frantic breathing or ease the violent churning in his stomach every morning. The nightmares were nothing new. They were maybe the most familiar thing to him since the day he first transformed. The images of the Garrison surrounding them, their looks of fear and disgust, of a rib cage and a partially formed arm protecting his friends, of hearing his fate debated in court by people with no idea what they were up against…it was all a little blurry around the edges, tinged with exhaustion and confusion. And maybe that beating from Levi hadn’t helped his memory, even if it did secure his temporary freedom.

        But the nightmares, those he always remembered vividly. Those only faded after hours in the land of the alert. Like water slipping through cupped hands, the details became obscured and only the raw emotion remained: terror. Every night, more terror, more titans devouring people, tearing their limbs off their screaming bodies and crushing their heads with bloodied teeth as easily as he might pop a plump cherry tomato. All night, all he could do was watch. His limbs felt so heavy he could hardly move, his mouth opened to scream but no sound came out, he could never reach anyone in time to save them.

        Back in the year 845, on the day the Colossal Titan attacked Shiganshima, Eren had been sure that he was dreaming. This titan wasn’t like the ones in his dreams. It was much larger, with less skin and putrid, steaming bands of muscle wrapped tightly around its gigantic skull. But still, he remembered being frozen in place for a moment, sure that he wouldn’t be able to move, sure that eventually his mother would wake him up for breakfast and ease his fears in preparation for the day. Of course, she never woke him up again.

        “Eren!” Captain Levi’s voice ripped Eren out of his memory, and he jerked his head up smack into the table.

        “Gah-! Yes, Captain,” he said, rubbing a hand on his throbbing forehead and ducking out from under the table to stand before his superior.

        “Having fun down there?”

        “No, sir, just trying to get a stubborn spot.” Eren held up the dirty rag in his hand as evidence. The Captain squinted at him for a moment, before motioning towards the door.

        “Time to eat. And change out of those filthy clothes first!” Captain Levi turned and marched out of the room before Eren could even answer, not that it really mattered.  The Captain was always spoke with a clipped tone, anything else and Eren would've been concerned. He tucked the rag into the waistband of his pants and picked up the bucket and cleaner from the floor. He eyed the room one last time. It certainly wasn’t sparkling clean, but it was better than the state in which he’d found it.

        Eren emptied the bucket out the low window of the room they were using for supplies, tucked the bucket and rag away with the others and wiped his wet hands on his pants. They really were dirty, he realized, looking down as his hands came back grey. He turned away from the staircase leading up to the Scout dormitories and instead shouldered his way through the heavy basement door and down the crooked stone steps to his room. It wasn’t really fair to call it a dungeon, seeing as Captain Levi never chained him up the way the Military Police had, but the dank air and minimal sunlight gave the same feeling of being in captivity.

        “All for the greater good,” he reminded himself, stripping off his dusty clothes and changing into a clean long-sleeve and simple black pants. The sun was almost fully set by now, and his stomach gurgled loudly as he made his way back up to the kitchen. Petra, Eld, and Captain Levi were already there, unpacking rations of bread, potatoes, carrots and thin strips of cured meat. A pot of broth bubbled on the ancient stove behind them and Captain Levi was portioning out mugs of hot tea from a dented kettle.

        “Oluo and Gunther?” He asked, holding up two empty mugs.        

        “They’re just finishing up with the horses, Captain,” Petra responded, but footsteps were already audible in the corridor as she spoke.

        They quietly served themselves and dug in, the whole squad clearly hungry after a long day. As their plates got emptier, they started to chat a little more. Eren felt uncertain, insecure. He was the youngest, the least experienced, the most dangerous. The outlier even among this group of outliers.

        “So, Eren, are you ready for tomorrow?’ Petra looked at him expectantly from across the table. His mind went blank.

        “T-tomorrow?”

        “Well, yeah. Captain Hange and her squad should be here by sunrise. She wants to start your…training.” Petra faltered for a moment, looking at the others for help.

        Captain Levi let out a grunt that sounded suspiciously like laughter but didn’t offer any more details. He simply pushed back from the table with a scrape of his chair, gathered his dishes and downed the last sip of his tea.

        “Go get some sleep, everyone.”

* * *

 

 

_Eren was looking down on the cobblestone streets from a few stories up, Wall Maria looming in the distance, blocking out the setting sun. People were running beneath him, screaming and crying, clutching desperately for their loved ones. Rubble and debris covered the familiar streets, dust thick in the air. A trio caught his eye: a father and two children, a toddler on his hip and another boy clinging to his hand. The boy’s short legs could barely keep up, tripping and dragging as his father pulled him through the chaos. His clothes were torn, knees already scraped raw and bleeding, but he kept running._

_The windows rattled all around them, pounding with the rhythm of a titan’s heavy footsteps. It was a stupid looking creature, with a lumpy, misshapen head and uneven arms. One arm hung so low that the knuckles dragged across the stones, but the other had a woman clenched tightly in its fisted hand. Her eyes were open, unseeing, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. The titan ran a crooked line through the street, the dangling arm pounding into buildings and dashing people against the bricks. It had its glassy eyes set on a target up ahead and hardly seemed to notice the people trampling each other around him._

_The titan’s short arm relaxed suddenly and the body in its fist hit the street with a wet crunch. The long arm snapped forward and caught the back of a little boy’s shirt. He screamed, a high-pitched sound like a trapped animal, and in his sheer terror, let go of his father’s hand. Titan fingers came down on his shoulder and then around his neck. He wriggled and writhed in their grasp, gasping out screams through his compressed windpipe. His father’s step stuttered, and he turned his head, tears falling on the head of the boy on his hip as the titan lifted his other son by the neck in the air behind him. But he didn’t stop. He put his head down and kept running, arms tight around the son in his grasp, the crunch of tiny bones echoing around them._

__

* * *

 

Eren shot up in bed, gasping for air, blinking rapidly and trying to shake the dream away. Grey eyes stared back at him.

“Captain Levi!” Eren scrambled to untangle himself from the blankets, only managing to get one leg free, the other ankle tangled in the sheet. He stumbled forward and caught himself on the bedpost.

“Tch,” the Captain grunted, eyeing his sweaty chest and brow, “Get cleaned up, brat, and meet us next to the well. Quickly.”

Outside, a few hundred meters from the castle, Hange and the Levi Squad were standing next to the remains of a crumbling well. Hange and Eren had met before on one of his first days with Captain Levi and stayed up all night explaining her fascination with Titans and her experiments on the ones the Scouts had been able to capture before. She had treated Eren kindly, even when she seemed a bit unhinged. But she’d never actually told him what they would be doing, what their ‘experiments’ would involve. Eren would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous, but he tried to walk toward the group with calm, even steps. This was the same group that would kill him if he lost control.

“Eren!” Captain Hange shouted, waving furiously at him as though they were old friends. “Eren, I am so excited to get started! There’s so much I want to know. And you’re the only one who can help me answer all these burning questions.”

She hardly seemed to stop to breathe and  clapped both hands tightly on Eren’s shoulders, shaking him slightly in her excitement.

“Do you know what it’s like to be of the scientific persuasion, to want hard facts in a world of theories and guesswork?”

Eren wasn’t sure how to respond, so he just shook his head.

“Of course, you do, I can tell you also have an inquisitive mind, don’t you? Let’s learn about you, my little Titan, and answer humanity’s questions!”

“Okay…” Eren faltered, catching a glimpse of Captain Levi’s heavy eye roll behind Hange, “What do you want me to do first?”

“Excellent question! And one I can answer easily!” Hange stepped back and thrust a hand out towards the well.

“You said before that you triggered a transformation by biting your hand. This dried up well should contain your titan form rather nicely, so I’d like you to scurry down there and give it a go.”

Eren walked up to the well and peered down into the dark hole. He could barely make out the rocky bottom and paused for a moment, looking around at the Levi Squad for clues.

“Hange,” Levi snapped, “The rope.”

“Oh my goodness, Eren, the rope! Yes, of course, don’t jump down there or you’ll break your legs. They might heal, though, given your abilities, but I’ll save that experiment for later. First, down you go!”

Captain Hange offered Eren the heavily knotted end of a thick rope, which he took and weighed in his hand. It seemed like it would be able to hold his weight. He climbed over the ledge of the well and turned back to see Oruo, Gunther, and Eld taking the other end and readying their stances. Eren turned around, his back to the void, and pulled the rope taut while he let his feet flatten out against the stone on the inside of the well. Slowly, he scaled the wall down, down, down, the air getting colder and more damp the deeper he went, until he felt a heel touch the bottom. He let the rope fall slack and looked up at the surprisingly small circle of sunlight above him.

“Okay,” he called up towards Hange’s disembodied face, her hair falling around her face like a spiky purple halo, “Ready?”

“We’re ready!”

Eren took a deep breath, steadied his hand in front of his mouth and bit down hard. Blood appeared immediately, filling the cavities his teeth left in the skin on his hand…but nothing happened. He didn’t feel anything besides the chill from the well.

“What happened?” Hange shouted, “Did you do it yet?”

Eren didn’t answer yet, instead biting down even harder in a different spot. Nothing.

“I- I don’t know what’s wrong,” He called back, already embarrassed, “It’s not working.”

“Try again, brat.” It was Captain Levi this time, though Eren could hardly see the head his voice belonged to.

Eren bit down again. And again. His hands were throbbing and blood streamed down his forearms in sticky rivulets. Again. A sound somewhere between a growl and whine slipped out of his throat, tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

“How many times is that now?” Hange shouted, “I need to keep track of everything, here.”

Eren counted the bloody crescents on his hands.

“Ten,” he responded, realizing he might have been too quiet for them to hear clearly, “Ten bites and still nothing!”

There was silence for a minute, and Eren desperately wished he could hear what was going on at the surface.

“ _Then again, maybe I don’t want to hear them if they’re just talking about how I failed the very first test,”_ he thought with a sigh.

“Okay, Eren, might as well come back up for now,” Hange finally said, tossing the knotted end of the rope back into the well. It hit the stone with a dull _thwack_ and then landed at Eren’s feet.

“Alright, little titan,” Hange called and Eren flinched at the nickname.

_ “I guess she’s sticking with that, so I’d better get used to it.” _

“Now be a good boy and—”

Before his hand could touch the rope, the world suddenly went white.

 

* * *

 

_The titan in front of him had a smile on its bloodied lips, crooked and wild. This titan didn’t seem to rush towards its prey like they usually did, instead it stood still, waiting, staring straight at him. Eren felt the familiar heaviness, a sluggish weight on his limbs,  painful pressure on his chest that crushed the air from his lungs. His world spun with a sickening lurch._

_His house was there, crushed under a boulder, his mother’s severed legs dangling from the side as blood pooled beneath her. Where was Mikasa? He was alone and the street was absolutely silent despite the destruction. No sound, like everything had been sucked out of the air and even the trees and the grass stopped moving. There weren’t any titans around now, but there was blood everywhere. On his hands, under his bare feet, running in rivers along the street thicker and faster the longer he looked._

_He tried to move towards his mother, but his legs stayed in place, his arms hung limply at his sides. Move. Move! He could feel tears running down his cheeks, stumbling over his lips and on to his tongue. They tasted metallic, bitter. His mouth was filling with liquid, overflowing as he gagged and spat, but he still couldn’t move the rest of his body and could only feel the gurgling in his throat as he struggled to breathe._

_He blinked and he was standing on the other side of his house, staring down at the basement door. The latch was undone, the door wide open, and a hand was reaching out from the dark stairs, beckoning him down into the forbidden room. He could move again. His feet were still bloody, leaving small footprints on each step as he descended. He was slowly, mechanically moving down into the darkness, but inside something was screaming for him to turn around.  To run. What was connected to that hand? It was impossibly long, disappearing at the shoulder into the complete blackness at the bottom of the stairs._

_For each step he took, another stair appeared below him. He couldn’t see the end, couldn’t see anything but the arm reaching towards him. His whole body ached and burned more and more with each step. Somewhere below his stomach was throbbing, and he could feel fresh tears falling on his cheeks._

_“I’m sorry, Eren, but I have to do it.”_

“Eren?”

He felt heavy, but not paralyzed. His world was blank, but black, not white. He took a deep breath. It hitched in his chest, but he could feel the cool air rush into his lungs. His tongue was thick and dry in his mouth. Who was talking to him?

“Can you hear me?”

He wanted to respond, but he couldn’t get the words out between gasps of fresh air. Instead, he nodded, tried to move his hand along the soft fabric beneath him.

“Hange!” Someone was shouting, there was some shuffling and scraping of chairs around him, and then a familiar female voice.

“Eren,” she said, her voice low and close to his ear, “It’s really time to wake up now. Even grumpy old Captain Levi is getting nervous.”

Captain Levi? That’s right…the old castle, dusting and mopping for days, Captain Hange coming to test him. Test him…and he’d failed! He was still breathing too hard to speak, but he wrenched his eyes open, momentarily blinded by the daylight. He was in bed, in the basement, Hange sitting next to him. She flashed him a huge grin and let out a short laugh.

“There we are! Welcome back. Just breathe.”

Hange put one hand on his trembling chest and the other on her own. She started breathing slowly, deliberately, locking eyes with him as she silently encouraged him to slow down. After a few minutes, Eren felt like his throat was open again, the tight clenching in his chest was gone and replaced by a dull ache.

“What happened?” His voice was like gravel, and a hand appeared from his other side with a cup of water. Captain Levi. He looked tired, but he didn't say anything, just cocked his head to the side and observed.

“We were hoping you tell us, kiddo. What’s the last thing you remember?”

Bloody feet. The basement door. Eren shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.

_         "That was just a dream,” _ he thought,  _ “…right?” _

        “I remember…I remember you were going to test me with something out near the well.”

        Hange sighed heavily and put a hand on his shoulder.

        “I wasn’t  _ testing _ you, Eren, we are experimenting together. We need to know what you can do. We need to know if you can repair the wall.”

        “Right…” Eren tried to remember how the experiment went but came up with nothing. It was all blood and pain and fuzzy visions that felt like memories but were probably just dreams.

        “We lowered you into the well and you tried to transform. You bit your hands to hell –” Hange gestured down to Eren’s bandaged hands resting on the blankets, “-- but you didn’t transform until we were trying to pull you back out. And only one arm formed. Well, one arm and a couple of ribs, but the arm was long enough to reach the top of the well.”

        “Just an arm…” Eren turned towards Captain Levi who seemed to be studying him intently. “And you had to come cut me out?”

        Captain Levi just nodded in response, arms crossed.

        “How long have I been out?”

        “A whole day!” Hange carefully helped him sit up and motioned for him to take a drink. “Your hands haven’t healed, either. I thought your titan would’ve taken care of those, but when Levi cut you out, you were covered in blood and those bites were still open.”

        Eren awkwardly balanced the cup between what felt like two bandage mittens, drinking slowly at first and then draining the cup. His hands really didn’t hurt, but it was hard to tell what was going on under all the padding. He mostly just felt sore, like he’d recently been kicked in the stomach a few times.

        “I think they might be healed by now,” he finally said, waving his useless hands at Hange, “They don’t hurt at all.”

        Hange hummed curiously and started unravelling the gauze around his left hand. Underneath was clear, fresh skin, plump and slightly pink. Eren made a fist and uncurled his fingers a few times for good measure, but everything seemed to be in normal working order. Hange unwrapped the other hand, her face screwed up in thought.

        “How do you feel otherwise?” She finally asked.

        “Fine…mostly fine. A little sore, maybe, but only like I’ve been working out or something.”

        Hange sat in thought for a moment before patting him on the leg.

        “Good! Time to quit your sleeping, then. We have work to do! How do you feel about testing something else tomorrow?”

        “Okay.” Eren still felt a little foggy and wasn’t even sure what time of day it was now to know how long he had until tomorrow, but he would follow orders.

        Hange looked up at Levi who simply gave her a sharp nod and walked back towards the stairs.

        “Take the rest of the day off. Get yourself out of this bed and come eat with us. Then we’ll talk about what’s next.”


End file.
